Week Nine.

The week isn't over, but I don't see myself getting more than some larger-than-the-scanner images done in the next few days.

I finished up the last doll commission (I'm super pleased) and then set about creating that army of magical creatures... the long and short of it is: I failed.

I couldn't do it. The more I read, the more I sketched - the more disheartened I became. I can't make those things... I just can't bring myself to do it. I thought it would be just a step into something a little more commercially viable. I know, but I'm not above it... at least, I don't think I am. I'll work on anything for a commission... I love making things for people... but when it comes to just sitting down and making things. I really -really- only want to make what -I- want to make. Whatever that is... and it most certainly is not the traditional fairy.

I want to make the silly things that sit waiting around in the back of my overly silly brain... Dream Herders and characters called The Namegiver or The Vision Seeker... The Awen, Bren... Geasa.. etc..
...I guess I'm so self centered that I can only work within my own personal cannon without hitting a wall... maybe I just need a little break to work on my own stuff and then maybe I can create something a little more... understandable to others.

Maybe I'm just looking for the easy way out... Not that making any of this work is the easy thing to do. Easy would be making things I wouldn't have to be ridiculed for... but, as always, I am a both a coward and a thick skull-ed buffoon... I will have it my way.. even if that means hiding here in my little box surrounded by my own ever present self-doubt and self-absorption.

Bleh. but whining aside: I've begun working on the show for April... I kicked around the 'theme/idea' of the show for awhile until I think I've nailed it down as: Gateways. And not just physical ones... I was thinking of going with Dreams, or maybe even sketches from the book... and maybe having a few chapters... but I don't think I'm up for that sort of look at myself just yet... so Gateways it is. I'm sneaking in some dream drawings there as well, but I don't -have- to add that if I don't want to. Like I've any idea why.

Dear lords I am whining this morning.. and, honestly, the whole week. I'm going to get back to work.

Adore you lot!

Week Eight.

Again I have to say those well worn two works: Time flies.

I spent the first day of this last week kinda sick.. which was unusual for me and unpleasent... I stumbled around the room until the day was over... I did manage to pull myself together enough to work on an illustration for my good friend Lisa's wedding. Its a Ryzom themed image.. as that is where the couple met. Aaaah love and endless digging.

I'm pleased with it.. she's pleased with it.. life is good.

As to the rest of the week, I started the next two doll commissions.. and finished one (see image). The other one I hope to have done by this evening... with still some time spent with the husband and maybe a walk around campus (the students are away! hazzzah! Seed pods here I come!)

I owe this customer a heart felt thank you... I don't think anything else has pushed me so much as to want to make the very best work I can... at least not in recent years. Perhaps because I know its for a paying customer... maybe that it is based off work other than my own and requires crafting things I wouldn't normally have... shoes for example.. and fish.. and black fingernails, or really just fingernails in general... or human looking noses! Its been really good for me.

As to my next 'project'... the imp thing. I've been batting it around all week and after a few short stories and a little bit of reading (online.. did you know I own no books on fairies and other such creatures? Sure some I think I have a Froud book on Goblins and for X-mas I was given the coolest book on Gnomes -thanks Jim and Alli!- But I have no 'guide' that was based on, in theory, research.) and it seems that imps are really more like demons than faeries.... though I know this stuff is more than open to interpretation... and I do really like the look and sound of the word imp.. I think what I plan on making are more like sprites... ugg, I don't like the word.

And I figure.. if I what I'm making are sprites.. that I have to make fauns and fairies and faeries and all that rest.. 'cause really, that's just a whole can of worms.

And though I know I said I didn't really want to go down that path... I think its what would work with the pieces that I have. Let me list them:

-I'm obsessed with natural materials and textures. Check out the amazing hand colored wool I stumbled across the other day on Etsy from handsandnotions :
This overwhelming taste of mine really lends itself well to natural spirits and other concepts and creatures...

-I live in a very small apartment and -no- way of setting up a studio to take images of these dolls, but I have access to a lovely wooded area with already-there backdrops of rock, moss and all the other things I love.. wood, mold, earth, etc etc. (also, it would get me out of the house and down in the woods where I loooove to be.. and I'd still be working!)

-I, ah, like fauns and faeries and, yes, sprites and people understand them better than other scary stuff that I end up making when left to my own devices.

I think, over all, it is taking all the pieces... all the things I love and putting them together into one. In college one, if not, the single most eye opening experience I had as an artist or at least of my own work... is when my teacher took a look at my huge wire and fabric tunnel thing and said... 'take it outside'

I'm not sure how to explain it... I saw the potential of my own work and I saw how I had limited myself... I saw a world of opportunity and.. well, I loved my own work in a way I never had before...

So, sprites and faeries it is... but, MY sprites and faeries... fairies.. imps, whatever... I don't care... pointed ears, wool and bare dirty feet.. away!

Week Seven - 2.

Alright. So I was wrong about how easy the fuzzy things would be... dead wrong. I spent a good three days on just one and there is no way I can make enough of them at anything close to a responsible cost... I think that is going to be my key to selling... I need a price range. So (other than my commissions) I am going to start making small... quick (and hopefully cool) imp dolls. Maybe some smaller sketches and some 'puffs'... you know, those cute things that hang out with imps and Storytellers? Everything has a pet... even the world of gnomes kept pets... Gelflings had pets... Alice had a good number, in her way... sidekicks could be counted, I'm sure.

So imps and sidekicks/pets for under $50 bucks. Though, at that price, I'm going to have to finish one or two a day... so I'd better get working, eh? The puffs can be sold separately, of course... those will be fuzzy... I won't speak too soon... but I -hope- those won't take me three days!! *shakes fist* (I spent one whole day sculpting fabric.... it just didn't/doesn't have the definition I seem to need to have in my work... I was rather grumpy by the time Dave got home.. a whole day wasted and an end product I was displeased with... uggg.)

But! Other than my three day descent into eating my own words... I did drag out the sewing machine and started, not only my first pair of pants, but actively using it for the rest of the doll(s)'s clothing. I even grabbed some scary doll-clothing-making books from the library. *shudders* But I need to learn... even if I only use a bit of what one needs to know to make clothes (I dislike how baggy they are... but I'm sure the idea is that you can re-dress the doll.. my work is more sculptural than it is, ummm, practical? Words fail me)

So I snagged a sketch off the wall and thought I would, in earnest, attempt to make of my own sketched characters stand up and collect dust (click for video of finished doll).... It helped a ton that I had the most wonderful fabric under the sun (thanks M!) to make her dress (used the sewing machine! ha ha!) and, with the help of some newly acquired liquid stitch , finished a rather decent 3-d interpretation of my pencil sketch... though I say it myself. I think I'll save her for the show... as, with this new imp scheme of mine + show + commissions, I don't think I'll have the time for any more 'art dolls' or experiments. (not that those three things aren't going to be a total blast!)

I am having a wonderful time though... I'm not making much that could be called, oh, what do we call it... money. And I know this can't continue for much longer... but I have never felt so good. Even when I'm disappointed with myself I just want to work on the next thing and take what I learned and make something better... or closer to what it is I want to make. Whatever that is... I feel like every time I make one of these creatures or just allow myself to work... I'm pulling pieces of something greater into existence. It's when I don't create that I go a bit mad. I'm mad now (who else would quit their job with student loans and, oh don't make me go into it... to make dolls and colorful sketches of hills with eyes?), but there are different shades of insanity.... and for me, there are certainly different expressions of frustration and disappointment.

Believe me... I understand that life can't be what this is. And I know that it isn't just that next paycheck... but I picked a path in life that won't allow me to be so completely irresponsible and selfish... also, I'm not sure that I had any other options. Few do.

AAaaaanyways... I'll just keep working and see what comes of this. (though I'm not sure how much more material spreadage the tiny apartment can take! Poor flat surfaces...)

Week Seven.

I'm currently working on the last touches of this weeks doll(s)... so this last week's post may have to happen later.

Oh! Art show in April! Dolls and Sketches oh my!

Adore you guys!

Week Six.

Wow, so long? Six Weeks! Well, I'm sure I would have thought I would have completed more by this point... drat! I'd better kick it into high gear.

This week I wasted a day remembering working super small suuuucks! And rest of the week working on two new dolls... one is decently clothed... or in this case, covered in fur. You may recognize him from the doll idea sketch I posted briefly the other day. I have just to make his saddle and rider and he'll be ready for the world of Etsy.

My next plan is to make a series of cute (and or) fuzzy things. They're tough and warm and *cough* easier *cough* than some of these dolls that require more attention to detail... did you know it took me well over six hours to put all the fur on the mount? And in that time I did not eat, leave the house, or, you know, leave the sofa. Just once to set him down and look at him from a distance... I didn't know so much time I had passed until I tried to move my neck and it made noise! Little cute things with easy to work with fur, check! I'm thinking things in the world of mogs and such other overly cute things. I could make a mog... come to think of it... maybe I will.. that should bring people over my Etsy account. I've had no bites on the items I posted so far. :( But I shall not be disheartened! Not yet! XD :| >_<

Though.. if a in a few more weeks I'm not making money... I'd better go start applying at fast food restaurants. At least I know I won't spend any money at that place of work. But.. what if they asked me to eat the food!? Ugggggg.

The other doll is one of the characters from my story. I want to dress him in a little jacket, pants and a shirt... with, of course, a scarf. I hope to get my hands on some patterns for clothes... I wish I knew the first thing about making clothes! I'm sure once I get the concept of dress. jacket. shoe. I'll be set. I just need to -see- and -understand- and I'll be set!

Week Five.

Ack, must get back to work... but wanted to -try- to keep up to date on this blogging thing.

Worked most of last week on the doll commission. The photos don't do the skin the credit it deserves... each one is slightly shiny, the mom more than the daughter... I used this pearl-powder with a matte gloss... I'm rather pleased with myself.

Dave and I had a nice Valentine's day of not doing too much. He bought me orange covered chocolate.. wait, switch that up... chocolate covered candied orange peels... my favorite. <3

I think I'll have one before I start my next project!

edit: more photos of dolls for M: One here - and here - and one more here

Week Four.

I feel like old ideas are coming back to me... or I'm connecting them to what I can do with them in the now. Does that make any sense? I've long felt like a had a box full of bits and bobs, and knew I would know what to do someday... I don't think that day is today, but I'm starting to see how all the pieces can fit together. I am just slow... it's a process, or something.

Finished some more of the story... Jim and I went up to the little town of Bellefonte, which is about ten minutes away from where I'm sitting now. We had a good time wandering the stores there for a bit and then we puttered out to this massive abandoned/dilapidated lime processing plant. It was really just right down the street from the main stretch.

I was the most amazing thing I've seen in ages... granted, I've been stuck here for five years and haven't explored a tenth of what I should have while I was here, but this was too cool. I'm expanding a whole section of the story to include it... I had old machines already, but this thing was like the lovechild of a rusted oil drill and a lime covered city block... really, something completely out of a Miyazaki movie. Well, as close as real life comes.

Finished the painting commission for the family. They loved it! So, a task well done.

One more commission to go... two dolls, the mother daughter pair from a rather popular teenage vampire novel series. I won't say more. <_< Okay, I will say... they're turning out well.

I've plans to do a series of doll pairings after this one. I've only been sketching that idea for years... just came to me that sculpting them might be an extremely fun thing to do. So slow on the pick up...

Oh! Another most wonderful thing I happened across this week, other than this truly great yarn from Stitch Your Art Out, was stumbling upon the work of Remedios Varo. I hope I get to see some of her work in my life time... so I can add her to the list of artists-whose-works-I-HAVE-to-see-in-person. This list is oddly enough... rather short: Clive Barker, Hieronymus Bosch, and (now) Remedios Varo.