Week Nine.

The week isn't over, but I don't see myself getting more than some larger-than-the-scanner images done in the next few days.

I finished up the last doll commission (I'm super pleased) and then set about creating that army of magical creatures... the long and short of it is: I failed.

I couldn't do it. The more I read, the more I sketched - the more disheartened I became. I can't make those things... I just can't bring myself to do it. I thought it would be just a step into something a little more commercially viable. I know, but I'm not above it... at least, I don't think I am. I'll work on anything for a commission... I love making things for people... but when it comes to just sitting down and making things. I really -really- only want to make what -I- want to make. Whatever that is... and it most certainly is not the traditional fairy.

I want to make the silly things that sit waiting around in the back of my overly silly brain... Dream Herders and characters called The Namegiver or The Vision Seeker... The Awen, Bren... Geasa.. etc..
...I guess I'm so self centered that I can only work within my own personal cannon without hitting a wall... maybe I just need a little break to work on my own stuff and then maybe I can create something a little more... understandable to others.

Maybe I'm just looking for the easy way out... Not that making any of this work is the easy thing to do. Easy would be making things I wouldn't have to be ridiculed for... but, as always, I am a both a coward and a thick skull-ed buffoon... I will have it my way.. even if that means hiding here in my little box surrounded by my own ever present self-doubt and self-absorption.

Bleh. but whining aside: I've begun working on the show for April... I kicked around the 'theme/idea' of the show for awhile until I think I've nailed it down as: Gateways. And not just physical ones... I was thinking of going with Dreams, or maybe even sketches from the book... and maybe having a few chapters... but I don't think I'm up for that sort of look at myself just yet... so Gateways it is. I'm sneaking in some dream drawings there as well, but I don't -have- to add that if I don't want to. Like I've any idea why.

Dear lords I am whining this morning.. and, honestly, the whole week. I'm going to get back to work.

Adore you lot!